Tuesday, December 30, 2008

A Wrap-up of 2008

Short talk of the day: I will post the verdicts for the resolutions of year 2008 a few days later.

There is only one thing to illustrate my year 2008 - a roller-coaster-ride.

I started the year with a void of confidence. I failed my exam P (first external exam), and I told myself I could accept it as it was due to my fault of great laziness and a lack of discipline. But somehow for a person who passed exams with flying colors and were always praised and was the hope of the family, seriously I think I was cheating myself that I could accept the failure. Then the desperateness slowly surged to the surface. I tried to strive an excellence in UTAR exams and external exam. When one is not of sobermindedness, I can almost assure to say that the result or work done is a mess! And yea, true enough, I flunk my May exam in both internal and external.

Luckily, I managed to slap myself to wake up from the self-giving-up life. And I finally passed the first external exam in July. I was not on cloud nine as I think somehow it is my responsibilty to get it. Then I did quite well in September internal exam too.

In November, once again, I gave myself no room to breath. In the short sem, I attempted two external exams. The results will be released next week. *cross fingers* God, bless me please. I feel good with one of the two, and another one, I really ought to pass it to the God. Internal exam result will be out pretty soon. I cannot expect much, but to hope for the best out of the worst.

I always believe we cannot have or sustain the best, the most precious ones all the time. But at times, having the best out of the worst gives us the greatest joy.

Well, enough of exam. Life is pathetic if we only regard exam as the ultimate or the whole!

Human are always like that. When they are striving to the fullest length, they will start to feel the emptiness from within. A feeling which is so shallow and so uneasy. And to an extent, they will feel life is of no meaning. Students, particularly, when they are studying with no clear goal seen, they will start to question-why do I work so hard? I once asked myself and my friends this- "When I was in primary school, I was told to work hard to get into a good secondary school. After that, I was told to work hard for SPM, as it determined our destiny. Good result would enable me to choose a promising course in university or entitle me to enroll into a promising university. Then in university, I was told to work hard in order to get a good job." I continue to ask myself when will this seemingly endless circle end? When I left campus and get a good job, I will surely be told to work harder to earn money to have a better living. Then when I have a stable financial income, I will be told to work even harder to upgrade my life to have another higher status in social. Is this life? Is this what we want? At the time of climbing up the social ladder, I'm sure the price we pay is not little. We may sacrifice our health, we may sacrifice our friendship, we may sacrifice our prime time with family, worst still, when we are blinded, we may even sacrifice our family and our life partner. This is definitely a vicious development. And praise the Lord! Finally I was shined, and am still being shined, and I have faith I will be shined too. Slowly, I know how life should be. Praise the Lord once again! This is the greatest thing in this year I think. It simply surpasses getting great result, obtaining highest grade in external exam or even winning a lottery.

Besides, the happenings this year enhance the bond between me and my family even more. They give me selfless care and support until I cried; until I felt I was not good enough, I was not a filial daughter. I feel blessed for being born into this family! I love you all always, papa, mama, bro, sis, and baby! Forgive me for my bad.

I'm delightful as the harshness this year molds me into a different person, and I think, a better person. I realize my ego, my indifference towards others' feelings, my self-centredness, my bad temper and many more. And I deeply know, to transform, my old being needs to be broken. Just like a defective porcelain vase, it has to be broken, to be melted, in order to be molded into another good shape.

Lastly, I'm pleased as I get to know many new acquaintances. They make me know how I should change the way in dealing with people and things. And most importantly, some mature ones influence me in a mature way.

Overall, year 2008 is still a wonderful one. And I'm still longing for the journey ahead!

1 comment:

Alvin Soh said...

Ha! New year, new beginning!