Do We Defend Ourselves When We Pray?

Very enlightened in this small part of The 8th Habit I am reading: 

It is about forgiving... And it says that forgiveness always entails a sacrifice. It further says that "It isn't the poisonous snake bite that does the serious harm. It's chasing that snake that drives the venom to the heart". So many times, we stand firm on our principle that we would not forgive the other party until they seek forgiveness from us. But actually things just respond on how we respond on the things. Often, we pray "Oh Lord... this and that.. this this this.... Oh Lord.. If not of this... I would not be that... Oh Lord... I know I need to apply Your precious blood and go to the cross... But Lord... But Lord..." Etc etc.. we have so many buts... How many times do we really apply the precious blood and repent? How many times, do we not defend our SELF? 

This is what CS Lewis said:

....

And the excuse that immediately springs to mind is that the provocation was so sudden or unexpected. I was caught off my guard, I had no time to collect myself.. Surely what a man does when he is taken off guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is. 

...

If there are rats in the cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats; it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempted man: it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am.

And he concluded that "we realize that everything which really needs to be done in our souls can be done only by God". 

Very striking indeed.... Oh Lord...